Full Ark: Rules
by HURRICANE'Hannah
Summary: Rules for living in a Full Ark. From serious funny, to cute/fluffy funny, to sexual funny, to total crack funny; Prowl has given the task to two new human allies to write a few cautionary rules for humans and Autobots alike. AU and contains OCs.
1. Chapter 1

**PAIRINGS:** Suggestive OC/Wheeljack, OC/Red Alert and OC/Cliffjumper.

**SETTING:** These rules are within an AU universe of **Trickster91's** "_Full Ark"_ fanfiction universe (which happens to be an AU take on the G1 television series with IDW comic influence).

**WARNINGS:** Rated T simply for mild sexual and violent themes as well as human and Cybertronion swearing. As you probably became aware of when you read the **Pairings** heading, this rule fanfiction will contain original characters and will contain suggestive themes of romantic and sexual acts (though not overly graphic) between human and Autobots. If any of the above in this section bothers you, I highly suggest you not continue.

**DISCLAIMER:** Transformers and all related characters from the G1 television series and IDW comics are the property of Hasbro. The original idea and universe set up within _"Full Ark"_ are credited to **Trickster91** and her original characters Jenifer and Noshe are also the property of **Trickster91**. Both the _"Full Ark"_ universe and original characters Jenifer and Noshe are used with the permission of **Trickster 91**. The original characters of Riley Rae O'Neil and Hailey Rose Patel have been created by me for the sole purpose of fanfiction entertainment and can only be used with explicate permission from myself. _For a list of those who are exceptions from the above original character permission, please see my profile._

**Author's notes** - To be honest, I haven't written anything fanfiction related in well over a year (at least) and I enjoyed reading other authors' takes on base rules and decided that this would be a good place to get back into writing fanfiction.

The first and last parts of this fanfiction are in a story format to simply give you a quick characterization of Riley O'Neil and Hailey Patel (as they are not in any current fanfictions of my own).

Riley O'Neil does appear in **ShiningGalaxy's **_"Tell Me I'm Dreaming"_ and _"A Second Chance"_ fanfictions.

* * *

Prowl sighed as his blue optics rested on the progress reports of their two newest human residences of the Ark.

The name, Hailey Rose Patel that donned the tab of the first file made the black and white cruiser straighten with pride. Hailey was an excellent study, fast learner, and mature. Currently working as part-time assistance to Preceptor, Wheeljack and her guardian, Ratchet, she was excelling in all her academic works and had earned the highest respect from her mentor and bestfriend Mirage.

_Riley Rae O'Neil_, Prowl thought as his gaze swept to the second file tab, was another story.

Though intelligent, gifted and strong in her own way, she was notorious for being sarcastic, violent and above all, a prankster.

Of course the Autobot's hadn't known to what extent as they had only met her twice before she had come to reside with them due to an incident involving the Decepticons and the death of her six military brothers.

When suggesting a guardian for her protection, the Autobots present has been at a loss for who they could entrust her to. That was until Jazz had seriously and blatantly suggested the Twins Sunstreaker and Sideswipe.

He, of course, immediately rejected the notion as did Ratchet. Optimus had remained quiet, but looking doubtful.

Jazz continued despite the objections and had stated that Riley needed a distraction to keep away her anger from the loss of her brothers until she was ready to face that anger. And who better to keep her distracted and on her toes then the two pranksters.

He was still doubtful but it was true they were running out of options. With the only ideal choice being Optimus Prime himself, whom Prowl simply decided could not take on a charge, he agreed, as did Ratchet and Optimus.

Little did they know that was probably a big mistake.

The chime to his office chirped to signal that he had visitors. He regally folded his hands upon his desk, straightened his back and dropped his gaze towards the lower half of the door.

"Enter."

Riley was in a mood, her short, red and blonde hair was refusing to stay down, she hadn't gotten a wink of sleep thanks to a major headache, and the Lamborghini twins had decided to hide all her Jolt energy drinks.

And now she was standing on Prowl's desk in his office which usually meant she had done something wrong.

Fucking just peachy.

"You wanted to speak to us." She heard Hailey ask from her left. God, when did her best friend's soft voice get so annoying?

She watched as Prowl stood, which was never a good sign, place his hand behind his back and pace back and forth slightly. "I have been contemplating on a matter. With so many Autobots and the possibility of more to arrive, I think in prudent to make a document available on Teletran in order to help smooth over mishaps that tend to be happening."

His pointed gaze shifted to her and all she could think of was that she wanted an Advil, a Jolt and her Soundwave pillow.

"I thought, perhaps as one of the newest members of the Ark, you could detail a few cautionary rules for current and future Autobot members."

_Which is his fancy, long-winded, thesaurus-induced way of saying that I could write them because I am the reason most of these rules exist._ Riley thought sarcastically.

He then shifted back to Hailey. "Perhaps you would also be willing to extend your wisdom and assist Riley."

_Which was his way of now saying that Hailey needed to fucking babysit me. Could things get much worse?_

"I would appreciate five by the conclusion of this solar cycle and we shall proceed from there." Prowl announced before dismissing them.

_Fucking perfect._

xxx

Riley laid on her bed, a stylus in her hand and a blank data pad on the covers. Coming up with these supposed rules was not going to be a problem. Whether she liked to admit it or not, Prowl was right, she was the best person to write these rules.

Primus, she wished it wouldn't be so boring.

The scratching of another stylus made her look up as her dark-haired friend was crouched over her desk, hastily writing away, probably on her notes from her chemistry conversation with Perceptor.

That was when an idea hit her. She would write out the rules as planned, but add her own bracketed commentary to make things more interesting.

With a smirk she took her stylus and began busily writing.

Rule # 1: **Don't leave your bras and underwear lying around the floor of your room.**

(Or you will find them in another part of the base, half-chewed and covered in vomited energon, courtesy of Noshe)

(Jen lost her favourite bra that way)

(And Hailey's "I Love Nerds" underwear)

(Mine seem to go missing from my drawers but never turned up)

(Wait a minute, Noshe can't get into my drawers, he doesn't have thumbs)

(SIDESWIPE! SUNSTREAKER! YOU PERVERTS!)

Rule # 2: **If living with the 'Bots on base, do not decorate your room with Decepticons.**

(Especially if you have a plushie Decepticon toy)

("I am sleeping with Starscream!")

Rule # 3: **This rule is entirely for Red Alert; do not put security cams in bathrooms/bedrooms.**

(You think we do weird and gross shit in public, you can only imagine the shit we do behind closed doors)

(Well apparently Red Alert doesn't have to imagine)

Rule # 4: **When entering Wheeljack's lab, Ratchet's med bay, Red Alert's security room or Optimus' or Prowl's offices do not say, "May Primus have mercy on my soul."**

(It's true, even though you know he is laughing is aft off down at you)

Rule # 5: **Do not fall asleep on the couch unless with a 'Bot.**

(You might almost get sat on)

(Or worse; half-awake, see a metal aft coming towards you, and in a dream stupor say, "Nice ass.")

(To make things worse, it might be Kup)

(Now Sunny and Sides keep saying they didn't know I was into older mechs)

"Finished?" A familiar voice asked, bringing her out of her own amusing memories.

Fatigue and headache all but forgotten, a smirk no doubt plastered across her face she replied, "For today."

She watched as Hailey extended one of her hands. "I'll deliver it to Prowl if you want; I am headed past there anyways?"

"Sure, thanks." She gave the data pad to her friend and then flopped onto her back with one arm under her and the other resting on her chest, her smile still present .It wasn't until she heard her friend close her door that she said out-loud to the empty room,

"Like taking an energon goodie from a Dinobot."

xxx

"Here are Riley's five rules as requested." Hailey handed the data pad to the tactician and watched as he studied the small square like he had never seen one before.

"You look puzzled?"

His optics easily found her eyes before he admitted, "I did not think she would be done so swiftly."

"She has extra incentive." Hailey smiled as Prowl put the pad into his computer.

She waited patiently as Prowl scanned over Riley's rules, trying not to laugh at some of the faces he tried to conceal as he read Riley's bracketed comments.

"Well," Prowl leaned back against his chair. "Though not necessary, I suppose her comments may remain if they give her the incentive to continue producing the rules."

"I believe she will be pleased." She extended the data pad to she had been working on in Riley's room to him. "These are my rule contributions."

"I am relieved," he took her data pad before putting it into the slot that once held Riley's. "I was not entirely sure that you understood my hidden meaning when I asked you to lend your wisdom and assist Riley."

The data pads text appeared on the screen, some of the text converting to Cybertronion while other parts remained human English and began to read.

Rule # 1: **Autobots, when first meeting a human refrain from picking us up by a foot and contemplating our gender by extending your digit towards our "protruding mammary glands".**

(Jenifer was badly hurt by Twin Twist)

(I vomited on Roadbuster)

(Riley calmly said to Hot Rod to, "get your finger away from my tits, you pervert" before screaming very loudly for the whole Recreational Room to hear, "Sexual harassment!")

Rule # 2: **Autobots, please stop the betting pool on which of us girls are going to lose our virginity first.**

(It's not like are any human males in the Ark)

(They told us that that wasn't their fault)

(Riley then proceeded to say to a very full Recreational Room (which I believe I should mention included, Prowl, Red Alert, Optimus Prime and Kup); "I don't see any of you volunteering to help.")

Rule # 3: **If looking for a quiet place to do your homework, the Medical Bay is not the best option.**

(Chances are Sideswipe and Sunstreaker will have done something stupid..._again_)

Rule # 4: **Cake is banned from the Ark.**

(Jenifer and I do not mind as much)

(Riley says she is dying of lack or sugar intake)

(Ratchet's not buying it)

Rule # 5: **Refrain from making any funny signs and proceeding to post them around the Ark.**

(Riley created one that says, "Idiots are unfortunately welcome, though are not subjected to tender care" and placed it on the wall next to the Medical Bay)

(Ratchet found it amusing when he saw it)

(Sunstreaker, Sideswipe and the Wreckers, not so much)

(Despite Prowl's rule and insistence, the sign is still up)

Leaning back from his screen again, Hailey watched the ridge of his left optic raise shift slightly. "I see you have created your our commentary as well, naming me in two."

"It's helpful to be thorough and give examples." Hailey tried to suppress her giggles. Prowl didn't quiet realize that sometimes him _being_ in the situation ended up making the rule even funnier.

"Very well, your premise is sound. I shall enter these onto Teletran's main server and you may retire for the evening. However, before you departed, I wish to inquire something?" He was again sitting straight, his hands folded on his desk.

"Of course Prowl, anything," Hailey had one hand disguising her mouth, hiding her smile and her other arm wrapped around her stomach in a desperate attempt to stop her rising giggles. She already had a feeling as to what he was about to ask and he didn't disappoint when in a serious tone asked;

"Does Riley actually recharge with a synthetic, plushed representation of Starscream?"

* * *

I do hope you enjoyed this segment and I am hopeful that the story formats at the beginning and end didn't throw anyone off. Entries that follow will simply be in the rule format as in this chapter with the first five being written in Riley's point-of-view and the last five being written in Hailey's point-of-view.

For comments on fanart and fanfiction; questions about Riley, Hailey, the _Full Ark_ universe, Jenifer, Noshe; and suggestions, please refer to my profile page.

The following are the ideas/inspirations of the individual rules that Riley wrote;

**Rule # 1:** The inspiration for this rule came from **Trickster91's** _Full Ark_ fanfiction "Full Ark: It Feels like Christmas". Near the beginning Red Alert walks out of the security room to see Jenifer and Noshe fighting. Noshe expels energon and Red Alert picks up a piece of cloth which she informs him is her bra.

**Rule # 2:** This rule was of my own creation in which my ideal bedroom would be decorated Decepticon-style. I do not own a Soundwave pillowcase, though I do own one of the live action Megatron (totally not the same, but beggars can't be choosers). I seriously wish I had a G1 Starscream plushie; I would sleep with him always!

**Rule # 3:** This was inspired by the many fanfictions (generally within the live action universe) in which Red Alert comes in and decides to put security cameras in the humans quarters, not realizing (or simply not caring) about humans insistent need for privacy and their own space.

**Rule # 4:** A rule of my own creation. Be honest, if found themselves in the Transformers universe, how many of us would not say this at least once?

**Rule # 5:** Again, a rule of my own creation though I wish I could say that something similar happened to me once, but alas it has not, and to be honest, I don't really know where this rule came from.

The following are the ideas/inspirations of the individual rules that Hailey wrote;

**Rule # 1:** Inspired by the exact happenings of **Trickster91's **_Full Ark_ fanfiction "Full Ark: It Feels like Christmas" in which newcomer Wrecker Twin Twist grabs Jenifer by the foot and injures her damaged knee. The debate over her gender involving the "mammary glades" is inspired from the beginning of **Trickster91's** _Full Ark_ fanfiction "Full Ark: Home" in which Sunstreaker and Sideswipe debate her gender while pointing at her breasts.

**Rule # 2:** A rule of my creation, it was inspired by the betting pool (albeit ours didn't involve actually money) that my group had in high school. The line, "I don't see any of you volunteering to help." I have heard/read many different versions in different movies, television shows, original writing and fanfictions.

**Rule # 3:** Entirely my own creation, it was inspired by those of us who have tried to attempt homework in noisy places.

**Rule # 4:** This was rule was inspired by the text of **Trickster91's** _Full Ark_ fanfiction "Full Ark: Surprise" in which Jenifer asks about cake at her birthday part and Brawn blames Ratchet for the lack of cake to which Ratchet replied that, "Cake is not healthy."

**Rule # 5:** This rule was actually inspired by my idea to make a drawing of a sign that was nailed to the wall outside the medical bay with the quote, "Idiots are unfortunately welcome, though are not subjected to tender care". The quote is taken from the text of **Trickster91's** _Full Ark_ fanfiction "Full Ark: Though Their Eyes."


	2. Chapter 2

For pairings, setting, warnings and disclaimers, please see the beginning section of chapter one.

Author's notes – Thank you for all the alerts, favourites, hits, and reviews. I am sorry about the spacing problem. I have tried to fix it but it seems the document editor has it out for me. If someone has any suggestions on how to fix it, please let me know. If the spacing is a bother, you may want to read this on my DeviantART profile where the spacing is much better.

* * *

Teletran Main Server Loading...

**Rules and Regulations** folder loading...

**Base Rules** page loading...

Welcome to the Base Rules page. This page consists of suggested rules and regulations for Ark inhabitants. First introduced by Prowl, Autobot Second-in-Command, the purpose of these rules is to help present and future Autobot and human allies have a smooth and positive interaction. All rules have been sanctioned by SIC Prowl and do not express the opinions of all humans and Autobots on base.

The following rules have been written by current human ally and Ark resident, Riley Rae O'Neil. _For future details on this human, please click the following_ **link**.

Rule # 1: **If the 'Bots are playing golf, get the fuck out of the way.**

(Or chances are you will be running for your life down a long-ass hallway from a giant ball of doom)

Rule # 2: **It is worthy of noting that Ratchet actually does **_**not **_**throw wrenches at humans.**

(However, he has eviler methods of getting us, mostly me, back)

(Two words: "Rectal Exam")

("An alien is probing me!")

Rule # 3: **Be mindful of the 'Bots hotspots.**

(Especially when you are absent-mindedly rubbing them)

(I made Bluestreak overload by accident)

(Blue had to get "The Talk" with Ratchet)

(Slag, my bad)

Rule # 4: **When he is in recharge, do not draw on Ironhide.**

(Sunny, Sides)

(Especially when a pissed off Ironhide comes stamping down the hall at which point said 'Bots point and blame me)

(I then get chased around the hallways by a half-awake giant before slipping on a wet floor and cracking my head)

(At which point the blood that was now gushing from my head alerts others and I have to stay in the med bay for over a week while Prowl explains to Ironhide that it was physically impossible for me to get up onto his berth)

(Bastards, I will get them back)

Rule # 5: **Be careful when first mentioning sexual topics around the 'Bots.**

(We got "The Talk" from them)

(Ratchet made Jen and Hailey blush)

(I choose First Aid to give it to me)

(I made _him_ blush)

The rules that follow were written by current human ally and Ark resident, Hailey Rose Patel. _For future details on this human, please click the following_ **link**.

Rule # 1: **Refrain from going into Wheeljack's lab unless absolutely necessary.**

("Any one with common sense will know better than to enter.")

(Then it comes as no surprise that when something explodes (that is not done by Wheeljack himself) Sunstreaker, Sideswipe and Riley are to blame)

(Prowl: Why is it when something goes wrong, it is always you three?)

Rule # 2: **Refrain from calling Sunstreaker any of the following nicknames; Sunny, Sunshine, 'Streaker or Dandelion of Doom.**

(This goes for both humans and 'Bots, but more specifically Riley)

(If done, a violent screaming match will ensure)

(And odds are Riley will win)

Rule # 3: **When with Jenifer, refrain from yelling either around her or directly at her.**

(Jenifer gets jumpy when around yelling)

(And Riley gets angry when Jenifer gets scared)

(I will not save you, Ratchet)

Rule # 4: **When playing the game Grand Theft Auto, take care to make sure no Autobot's are present.**

(Riley likes to get the tank and claim she is a Decepticon and while blowing up cars that coincidently look like many of the Autobots on base, and scream, "Burn Bitches, burn.")

(Jenifer is not much better. She accidentally ran over a few humans in the game)

(Some of the Autobots had to leave because of the sheer graphic amount of blood)

(I have to constantly defend myself that I have no understanding as to how my car got onto the top of a skyscraper)

(None of the Autobot's will even let me _pretend_ to drive them)

Rule # 5: **When watching a movie or television show with Wheeljack and it says "Don't try this at home", you can be certain Wheeljack **_**will**_** try it.**

(Mythbusters is now banned)

Note to human and Autobot readers, you may want to favourite this page to your personal computers as new rules will be added weekly.

* * *

I hope you enjoyed the rules and set-up for them. At first I was just going to have the rules by themselves but I decided that I wanted to do a little something at the beginning to add an original flare to them. Besides, Teletran needs some love to. Unfortunately, it did not come out as well as I planned as spacing and bullets don't seem to work well on here, damn you fanfiction.

For comments on fanart and fanfiction; questions about Riley, Hailey, the _Full Ark_ universe, Jenifer, Noshe; and suggestions, please refer to my profile page.

The following are the ideas/inspirations of the individual rules that Riley wrote;

**Rule # 1:** The inspiration for this rule came from a fanfiction that I read some time ago. It was set in the live action movies universe and consisted of Prowl and Sunstreaker (I believe?) playing golf on top of the base. I, unfortunately, cannot remember the name of the fanfiction, or seem to find it again. If anyone knows about it could you please let me know so I can give credit, thank you.

**Rule # 2:** This rule was inspired by **Trickster91's** _Full Ark_ fanfiction "Full Ark: Home". When first meeting Ratchet, Jen witnesses him throwing his legendary wrench at Cliffjumper. When she asks if he is going to throw a wrench at her, Ratchet replies, "I'm not one to hurt humans."

**Rule # 3:** A rule of my own creation dedicated to those of us who absent-mindedly stoke things. Be aware, fellow strokers, you may be turning someone on.

**Rule # 4:** Inspired by the oldest prank in the books, yet still funny as hell.

**Rule # 5:** Inspired and dedicated to those who carelessly mentioned a sexual topic around a parental figured and was subjected to "The Talk".

The following are the ideas/inspirations of the individual rules that Hailey wrote;

**Rule # 1: **Does the inspiration for this rule really need to be explained? Lol. The quote,"Anyone with common sense will know better than to enter," is an exact quote from **Trickster91's** _Full Ark_ fanfiction "Full Ark: It Feels like Christmas". Prowl's comment is from Harry Potter and Half-Blood Prince film.

**Rule # 2: **This rule was inspired by all the fanfictions in which Sunstreaker is called those nicknames by humans and 'Bots (sometimes even 'Cons).

**Rule # 3: **The inspiration of this rule comes from** Trickster91's** _Full Ark_ fanfiction "Full Ark: Home" in which Jenifer admits to being uncomfortable with Ratchet (and any other person/Autobot) yelling around her. To be honest, I am the same way and can sometimes get emotional even if the person yelling is not yelling at me.

**Rule # 4: **A rule of my own creation, both Riley's and Jenifer's actions I have done. Though I have to admit, personally, running over the humans is more fun than blowing up the cars.

**Rule # 5: **Inspired by all the other rule fanfictions in which Wheeljack is not allowed to watch Mythbusters. Poor guy, will no one let him watch it?


	3. Jen's Rules

For pairings, setting, warnings and disclaimers, please see the beginning section of chapter one.

Author's notes – Thank you for all the alerts, favourites, hits, and reviews. This special section for Jenifer is dedicated to my bestfriend (and creator of the _Full Ark_ universe) **Trickster91**. I admit I had a hard time writing this and trying to keep Jen as close as possible to her original character design (all the while adding details that would appear because of her interaction with Riley and Hailey) but hopefully **Trickster91** and other _Full Ark_ fans will think I did her justice.

I am terribly sorry for the late update, unfortunately, germs don't have any sense of decent timing when they decided to infect poor, unsuspecting writers. It's that season, so stay warm and healthy.

* * *

"I cannot believe you actually though introducing Wheeljack to that show was a good idea."

Jen's head picked up from the data pad she was writing when Hailey's signature calm and intelligent voice carried from the hallway through her open door.

Jen could hear a snort before the unmistakable sarcastic and amused tone that just screamed _Riley_, responded. "It was a good idea at the time. You should have seen him, he was so happy."

"Yes he was, right up until that _whatever_ he was working on exploded and took his arm off."

Even though Jen couldn't see it, she would have bet 10 credits that Riley had shrugged. "Well at least it let you have some close-quality time with him." Jen could hear the suggestive tone in Riley's voice and her mind stopped for a moment.

Wait, Hailey _liked_ Wheeljack?

"Hey Jen, whatcha' up to?"

Jen's legs kicked out in surprise and her chair spun around to face her open doorway. Riley was leaning against the frame, her legs out and her arms crossed, a stance that she had no doubt picked up from her guardian Sunstreaker.

"For Primus sake, have you not learned any manners from your studies with Mirage?"

Riley looked like she was going to argue with Hailey for a moment, but instead she turned to look back at Jen and said, "Sorry, Jen-Jen. Didn't mean to scare you."

Hailey eyes narrowed at Riley's retreating back, the words so clearly etched into her eyes that Jen swore she could read them. _Typical Riley, apologizes but never admits to the mistake._

_The mistake_, Jen thought Hailey's eyes were referring to was probably knocking before entering.

"You working on something, is that why you jumped in your chair?"Riley was now standing in front of her, her arms crossed again but her back now straight enough to make a marine proud.

Had she really jumped in her chair? She was suddenly aware of a hard pressure against her fingers and palm and sneaked a glance. Her data pad was clutched in a death grip.

At the same time her eyes again found Riley's, she loosened her grip and pulled the pad into her lap. "I just finished actually. Are you guys headed to Prowl's office?"

Riley pulled out a similar looking data pad from the pocked of her red hoodie and twirled it between her fingers. "Yep, that time of the week, new rules for Prowl to "sanction" and everyone else to ignore."

"I wrote some rules myself." Jen's eyes casted downwards as her voice trailed off. This was Hailey's and Riley's assignment one that despite the contrary, Riley actually enjoyed, she was worried that Riley would get mad at her for...

"That sounds like a good idea."

"Wait, what?" Jen didn't realize she had said those words out loud until she heard the amused snort from Riley.

"I said_, that sounds like a good idea_. I mean, you have been here longer and have all those experiences and stories you told us after..." The intense pain and sadness that froze Riley's ocean eyes only lasted a split second. Jen reached her hand out and squeezed Riley's arm. She couldn't imagine losing her brother the way Riley had lost all six of hers.

Jen wasn't offended when Riley gingerly shook her hand off her arm. Jen knew this was normal for Riley, with future evidence to it that Hailey's body posture didn't change and she didn't give Riley a lecture. If Riley let herself think of her brothers' murders too long, her pain and sadness would turn into anger and than blind rage. She had seen the test dummies Ironhide had made for Riley to take her anger out on, and Jen was sure she had never seen so many blaster holes in one before.

"Come on and walk with us. You can read us your rules and watch Prowl's array of disturbed facial expressions while he reads mine."

Jen gave Riley a smile, showing her that she understood that this was another apology and that she was still her friend.

After that, she quickly found herself, sandwich between Riley and Hailey as they walked the orange halls of the Ark, Jen's voice bouncing around the metal corridor as she read out her first rule.

Rule # 1: **When getting a massage from Cliffjumper, try not to moan.**

(Especially his _name_)

(In a crowded rec room)

(He was weird round me for days)

(I still blush when I think about it)

"Wow, you are right, you still do blush about it." Jen could hear the smile in Riley's voice even though she couldn't tare her eyes away from the text.

"It is a perfectly natural reaction to such a considered embarrassing event." Jen could always count on Hailey to help her out against the force of Riley. "Thought I have to admit, the fact that Cliffjumper seemed so awkward for that long over a simply misunderstanding is a little suspicious." Okay, _almost_ always.

The heat in her cheeks felt like it was spreading down her neck as she remembered his behaviour from then.

_She would be sitting in the rec room, talking to whoever would listen, just trying to get the situation out of her mind. She would suddenly feel eyes just _staring_ into her back and when she would look behind her, it would always be Cliffjumper; blue optics locked onto her position. She never felt anything from those eyes, at least not anything she expected; not any disgust, hatred, confusion. Just carefully watching her, calculating her every move like there was something about her he just couldn't figure out._

_A few times she went over to him, to ask why he was looking at her so weird, to try to explain what had happened, hell to talk about the weather, anything to break the frigid ice that had frozen between them. He would see her coming, even before she herself had decided to go over to him. He would give an apologetic smile before rushing from the room like someone had told him Decepticons were invading._

_The cat-and-mouse game went on for three days, until one day he did it when she was talking with Riley. Fresh from her punishment after pranking Springer, she was complaining to her that Prowl had no sense of humor when she felt his optics resting on her. She looked back at him and thought; _maybe I should try and talk...

_She didn't even get to finish her mental thought before the scrapping on his chair screeched throughout the room. She watched him as he went for the door but this time he did something he hadn't done before, he looked back at her for a split moment before leaving._

_She looked at the door with wide eyes, her breath caught in her throat. The look he had given her burned before her face. His optics had been sad but he had a small smile. What had it meant?_

_When she realized that she couldn't hear Riley's voice droning on, she looked over and saw Riley staring at the exit door, a wide smile on her face like she had just gotten an idea for her latest prank. Not in the mood, she went to tell Riley she didn't want to her about her prank but was stopped short in surprise when Riley instead spoke words of reassurance._

"_Don't worry about him, he'll come around." _

_The wink that happened next was what Jen could only describe as an _I-got-your-back_ wink._

"And he did come around, didn't he?"

Jen lifted her head as the images and sounds of her past memory faded away. Riley was right, the next day Cliffjumper was sitting with her at their usual table, talking away with her like the last couple of days hadn't happened.

"He did, but I still do understand what you did to him to make him suddenly flip a switch?"

"I didn't _do_ anything to him; I just gave him some friendly advice."

"I find that hard to believe." Jen watched from the corner of her eye as Hailey cocked a brow, much like Prowl always did. "You, per your words, _hate _Cliffjumper. _Friendly conversation_ doesn't seem possible in your situation."

Riley just shrugged her shoulders and Jen and Hailey looked at each other. "Why don't you read us your next rule Jenifer?" Hailey offered when both realized that that was all they were going to get from the suddenly secretive trickster.

Rule # 2: **Don't ever call Bluestreak a monster.**

(He is the sweetest, most kind-sparked mech I know)

"That guy was _so_ lucky I wasn't there or else he would have been walking back to his buds singing soprano."

It was clear to Jen that Riley was still pissed at the army guy, Lieutenant Spike Witwicky, for what he had said to Bluestreak when sneaking into the base.

It had only happened a few days before Riley and Hailey had come to live at the Ark and Jen had told it to Riley (along with a great number of other stories) to help keep her distracted from the death of her brothers.

It had distracted her alright, not three hours later when Jazz had gone to check on her, he found her writing on pieces of paper that had titles such as "Ways to Make Spike-Jerk Suffer If He Ever Comes Back".

"Perhaps you should read one that will cheer her up." Jen saw Hailey looking at Riley, shaking her head much like Ratchet did when one of his patients told him how their stupidity got them injured.

Jen scanned her remaining rules and found one that would both cheer Riley up and, probably much to Hailey's displeasure, give her violent satisfaction.

Rule # 3: **With regards to the rule above, don't tease or hurt Bluestreak at all.**

(Riley has made an art of hurting Autobots)

(One time, she and I were watching the 'Bots train. Bluestreak was doing hand-to-hand combat with Springer)

(Springer started saying mean and cruel things to Bluestreak)

(Riley heard them and decided she was going to make Springer pay)

(What she didn't realize is that she had zoned out for a few minutes before and didn't know Springer was _only _saying those things to Bluestreak as part of the exercise to teach focus and concentration)

(Bluestreak's gun, Slim Jim, was lying on the ground near us)

(Before anyone realized what had happened, she had waited for the right moment, kicked the trigger, and shot Springer's foot off)

(Not, shot _at_ it, shot it _off_, O-F-F, _**off!**_)

(Needless to say, everyone was peeved at her; Hailey, Prowl, Ratchet, Optimus, Springer)

(Kup and Ironhide, however, complimented her on her patience and aim)

"I suppose I did ask for it." Jen heard Hailey sigh as they both listened to Riley's laughter that boomed down the hall, causing a few mechs to look in their way warily.

"_God_ that had to have been the funniest thing I had ever done." Riley commented after her laughter died down and she had to wipe a tear from her eye.

"Perhaps for you, but it took Ratchet, First Aid and I three joors to get his foot repaired." The murderous intent Jen saw flashing in Hailey's green eyes was a reminder that she wasn't a robot and was capable of just as much violence as Riley if the situation called for it.

"Three hours, really?" That long to fix a foot?" Jen wasn't quite sure, as Riley was not someone one easily figured out, but she was pretty sure Riley was actually curious why it took so long to repair a foot and not just egging Hailey on.

"As Jen stated in her rule, you didn't damage the appendage, you shot it off."

"Meh," Riley just shrugged her shoulders and this time Jen _knew_ she was simply egging Hailey on.

Before a fight could breakout between them, one that would probably end in a very close and messy draw, she tried to distract them.

Rule # 4: **Mostly a note to self, don't leave Noshe alone with Cliffjumper.**

(Chances are a trip to the med bay will be in order)

(And it won't be for Noshe)

"That is excellent advice." Sometimes Jen wondered if Hailey was actually more bipolar than Riley when her voice suddenly went from dangerous and threatening to calm and intelligent. "I remember that time Noshe tore the metal plating off his..." Hailey stopped herself and looked at Riley who also had a drastic mood change with her wide grin spread across her lips.

"Aft?" Riley offered and Jen thought Hailey's mood was going to switch again and was relieved when instead she turned back to herself. "Bumper,"

Riley's howling laughter was not a shock to either her or Hailey and Hailey once again reminded that despite having a bipolar mood like Riley's, she had a better control of it when she simply spoke her next words instead of growling them. "It took our team an hour and a half to replace the metal, would have taken us longer if we hadn't sedated him."

"Hey," Riley's oddly serious voice caused both her and Hailey to turn back towards her. "How come Jen sends someone to the med bay and waste yours and Doc's time but you don't berate her?"

"That is simple; she is not irritating and more adorable than you."

A nervous smile cut Jen's closed lips as she watched Riley just stare at Hailey in shock. She was about to comment that wasn't true, thinking Riley would be offended, but apparently she still wasn't close to figuring the new girl out when she was surprised by Riley looking at her with a smile and saying, "Yeah, I guess you're right."

Jen smiled back at her and noticed they were rounding the corner into the hallway to Prowl's office.

"Okay guys, last one."

Rule # 5: **To current and future human allies, please don't tell Autobots (especially those new to earth) that car magazines are porn.**

(Riley!)

(She got poor new-comer Hot Rod with this)

(It's pretty disturbing to us humans, especially when you see certain Autobots reading them)

(Kup, Brawn, Sunny, Sides, Springer)

"I still can't believe they think that is still real." Riley was laughing again, this time with her dubbed, _you've-got-to-be-fucking-kidding-me_ laugh at her last-week prank.

"Though I hate to, I do agree with. Even Ratchet was fooled by it when he first read one." Hailey commented as they came up to Prowl's door and rang the chime.

"God thing Prowl had the sense to confiscate them all, or else none of the jobs around here would get done." Jen praised her guardian once again for his patience and tact when dealing with Riley.

The door lock chimed back and the hiss from the doors momentarily paused their conversation, but as they moved into the room, Riley went right back to speaking while Jen proof-read the pad. "Figures he would be the frigid type."

The door hissed again to signal its closure but Jen became shocked by the sudden silence that followed the closing door. _Why wouldn't really just keep talking, it was not like she cared if Prowl was working anyway._

She looked up at her and saw her blue eyes wider than she had ever seen them before. Jen didn't think it was possible for the prankster to be this stunned.

When she traced the girl's eye line up, her eyes also went round and still. Prowl was draped over his desk, his helm face-planted into the metal, his two arms hanging over the side.

"Riley, contact Ratchet and tell him that Prowl's CPU has crashed again." Jen heard the rustle of cloth as Riley pulled out her Decepticon cell and dialed Ratchet's number. "Make sure to inform him to come alone and that digression is upmost advised."

Jen heard a confirmation sound from Riley but ignored her and began to turn towards Hailey. _Why would digression be so important, everyone on base knew Prowl had a habit of fritzing?_

The questioned died on the way to her tongue when she saw that Hailey's eyes were round and disturbed but instead of Prowl, fixed at their human level.

She again traced the eye line towards the bottom of Prowl's desk. There was an enlarged paperback lying open on its bottom, its top supported by the metal desk.

Jen walked a few steps in order to read the title better but stopped short when she could make out the cover-picture. There was a black and white Dodge Charger police cruiser in the middle, its hood open and exposed.

Jen didn't need to read the title to know what her guardian had been reading that made him fritz.

It was a police cruiser instruction manual.

Riley's voice broke through the awkward silence.

"Porn for a cop car,"

* * *

I do hope you enjoyed this segment and I am hopeful that both the rules and Jenifer's perspectives were funny.

I do have to point this out that despite the extra time given to me to write when I got sick; I still **hate** the beginning of this entry (the story format before the first rule). I wrote out three ideas for the beginning (and I lost count of how many times I re-wrote those ideas) and I am still not satisfied with the result. I figured you guys had waited long enough and decided just to put in the one I had the most written for. However, I may re-write it at some point and if you have any suggestions on a new beginning or improving the one used in this entry, please feel free to let me know.

If you have any suggestions for rules that involve Jen or are from Jen's perspective, please feel free to send them.

The following are the ideas/inspirations of the individual rules that Jenifer wrote;

**Rule # 1:** The partial inspiration for this rule came from the actual happening in **Trickster91's** _Full Ark_ fanfiction "Full Ark: Little Known Facts". This is where Cliffjumper gives Jen her first massage for her knee. Then of course, being the immature and perverted person I am, thought of what would happen if Jen accidently moaned Cliffjumper's name.

**Rule # 2:** The inspiration for this rule came from the actual happening in **Trickster91's** _Full Ark_ fanfiction "Full Ark: Through Their Eyes". This is when Spike Witwicky chases Jenifer into a laundry shoot at which point she is saved by Bluestreak and the guy yells, "You! Let her go you metal monster!" Jen gets angry and yells back at him, "Don't you dare call Blue a monster! He's the sweetest guy I know..."

**Rule # 3:** A rule of my own creation to satisfied my sadistic and humorous need for Riley to hurt Autobots. No one is safe, well except sweet 'Bots like Bluestreak, Bumblebee, Perceptor, First Aid, Swoop ...okay I take that back, some people are safe, lol. The sentence of the bracketed commentary, (Not, shot _at_ it, shot it _off_, O-F-F, _**off!**_), was inspired by the similar joke-line used by Jeff Foxworthy in the Blue Collar Comedy Tour.

**Rule # 4:** The inspiration for this rule came from my Cliffjumper/Noshe drabble (which was requested by Trickster91) "Chew Time".

**Rule # 5:** The inspiration for this rule came from all the rules and fanfictions which make nods to car manuals/magazines as _porn for Autobots/Decepticons_.


End file.
